simply stated

Wow, I can honestly say it has been sometime since I posted. I actually don't expect anyone to read my future posts, because they are going to be mostly for me. So much has happened in the last few years. There have been times of heartache and confusion caused by the need for growth, but there have also been moments of such clarity and understanding that have filled me with inexpressible joy and have given life greater meaning.
After a long hiatus from school, I have decided to return. It has NOT been easy. Sheesh, I miss the days of coming home after a long shift and having all the time to myself. I guess that is one of the main reasons I am writing this post. My life had turned into MINE, consumed by me. I have started to close my heart to the world and have begun to feel that my greatest hopes and dreams are never to be realized, and I'm not just speaking of being a wife and mother.
Which brings me to my next point: I am taking a class about the living prophets of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. In the class we have been encouraged to study ten different topics from the prophet and apostles that are relevant to our lives. I feel this is the answer I have been looking for. I know I am 29 years-old, but I feel I can start over, to a sense. I have lived a full and wonderful life, but have found myself shutting out some of the greatest joys in life due to repeated disappointments and hopes that never seemed to be realized by the natural eye.
So this is me rewiring my heart and mind. I hope that in doing so, I gain an additional outlook on life and help others to see the happiness that is right in front of us. I am excited for this experiment and I am expecting great things...of myself.
Now don't get me wrong for a moment here, I have a wonderful life with a family who loves me and supports me, friends that champion me, and experiences that have opened my eyes to the greatness of a loving Heavenly Father. I am just hoping to build on that and not let past experiences dictate the way I feel inside about who I am and what I can accomplish in this life. I firmly believe that with Christ and His teachings, we can truly become new and whole. I no longer want excuses of why I am the way I am. I want reasons to change and to inspire others to see what really matters in this life. We all have a specific plan designed for us by God and I am determined to not be so self-consumed that I miss the meaning of it all entirely.
I guess all I can say is that this is the beginning, or the middle, of starting over again. Isn't that the best part about it all? I can start over as many times as it takes to get it right. So here's to take.....well....I've lost count, but ready to give it all.