miss bennett vs miss salmon

Lately I have become completely entrenched in reading "Pride and Prejudice". It is so much so that I find myself thinking "what would Elizabeth say if she were in my situation?" I LOVE, love, LOVE this book and it is easily one of my most favorites of all time. I love everything about it from Elizabeth's bluntness to the foolish and hilarious pride of Mr. Collins. Another thing I love so much about it is that while I am reading the book, the character that I imagine as Elizabeth is someone between Keira Knightly and my close friend Krissi Mill (she'll probably laugh to know that, but I don't think she'll be surprised). But on the matter of my identification with Miss Bennett of late, let me expound.

I feel I have, at last, found a character in a book that truly describes bits of my life to some extent, and exaggerates all the best parts. Elizabeth is 23 years old, not married, and ever so satisfied with her situation, regardless of the social expectation that she has to be married before reaching the status of "old maid". But the part I love most about her is her bluntness and complete honesty in a society where ladies are expected to "hold their tongue"!

You see, in my dating life in the past, I had the misfortune of being titled "too nice", which is only due to the fact that I never used to express my thoughts (however nice or fiery they really were) out loud. I used to swallow them until I felt at the point of an emotional explosion that was likely to come out on some undeserving soul. Then, I had some schooling in the department of "healthy expressions" and "standing up for myself" from a close cousin, Kelsie, whom I love dearly for it. I had felt at that point that my "openness" was at a healthy level: like being decisive and really giving my opinion on the choice of restaurant on a date instead of acting like I really didn't care. Now that example may not seem like a life-changing alteration, but it was for me. So back to the "healthy level of openness" I felt I was at....

I felt a new self-discovery was made with the fact that I really enjoyed stating exactly how I felt inside (and not offering it obnoxiously, but when it fit) and so I never had to regret words left unsaid. But then Elizabeth Bennett happened. She has given me a heightened sense of expressing myself and I think it is breaching "un-sweet" and "un-lady-like". It's like in the movie "You've Got Mail" (and if you will remember that Elizabeth was also the role model for the main character "Kathleen Kelly") when she wishes so often to have the perfect words to express herself at the exact moment of needed delivery. She then finds that, at one time imparticular, the right words actually come when needed, but then she goes home to regret what she said because although this man may have been deserving, she worried that what she said may have actually hurt him. But that occasion was not just a one-time "zing". She continues to spout out her thoughts during several encounters with "Joe Fox", and regrets her words every time.

This is how I feel. I feel that I have come so far as to be able to actually say things with adequate description when I'm feeling them. It's not just on matters of where to go for dinner or what movie to watch, but in matters of all kinds of relationships in every aspect of my life. I wish I could find a happy medium between "miss nice girl" and "miss bennett." Between regretting what I didn't say and regretting what I did say. Such is the predicament. Mr. Darcy seemed so deserving of every harsh comment made by Elizabeth in the beginning because he seemed so darn prideful, but come to find out that he was greatly misjudged. So I'm sending this out into the void...any thoughts on the matter would be welcomed.

Simply Stated: freedom of speech comes with a cost